I Have A Newspaper Now

For four years I have had no formal mechanism for addressing the man above me and his 11pm furniture rearrangement. As of this morning I have a masthead, a front page, and a section called Breaking News. He does not know. He will never know. That is the beauty of it.

The app offers me Breaking News, Gossip, Sports, Opinion and Lifestyle. My publication concerns one man and his relationship with gravity. I have decided the 3am dragging counts as Sports. Event: the dresser. Distance: unclear. Time: always.