24 Degrees And The Nation Falls

As the mercury struck an unthinkable 30°C, the nation deployed its full defensive arsenal: opening a window, closing a window, and lying on the kitchen floor 'because the tiles are cold'. Air conditioning, that Continental indulgence, remained unthinkable.

Officials confirmed the rails had reached a temperature at which they expand — a phenomenon known to physics since roughly 1687 and to the railway since never.